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Tesla will NEVER be driverless!
Okay, they might become driverless, but only with LIDAR
Okay, they’re driverless with pure vision and end to end neural nets… but it’s only a few cars registered, they’ll never scale.
Okay, they more than doubled the size of their fleet this week… but they’re probably just registering the cars but not actually putting them on the road. Miles is what matters.
Okay, they have millions of safe driverless miles… but that’s only in the United States
Okay, they’re driverless in other countries now… but it will never work on the moon and Mars
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BREAKING: Joey Chestnut sets new world record at the World Pancake Eating Championship, devouring 40 pancakes in just 10 minutes.
JUST IN: Researchers warn older Americans may be particularly vulnerable to addictive algorithms, AI, & short-form content, with people 65+ now spending an estimated 104 minutes a day on social media.
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All the cars are gone from Tesla Century City!
All they have is Model Y L, a self-driving video playing on the background. I guess the best product is no product. Either that or they just sold the showroom cars.
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JUST IN: Elon Musk declares production on the Moon & Mars will “accelerate by far more than double every year” until reaching natural limits.
29% chance any state enacts a data center moratorium by end of year.
JUST IN: 900+ people are set to attend a “pro-data center party” in Washington, D.C. tonight, featuring AI-themed cocktails & a generative AI photo booth.
JUST IN: Activist Hannah Gann confesses she “outright lied” about being Black & Palestinian for years, as former colleagues identify her as a white woman of Jewish heritage.
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2026 has been the most insane year of product launches in Tesla’s 23 year history
JUST IN: Iran’s president reveals “all our money in China has been frozen.”