Got a haircut at a cheap place in Shinjuku. ¥1,000. Whatever. Stylist: What style? Me: Just clean it up. Stylist: starts cutting Halfway through, different stylist taps her shoulder. They whisper. Both stare at my head. Me: ...is something wrong? First stylist: Please wait. She gets the MANAGER. Manager: examining my hair like a crime scene Manager: Who cut your hair last time? Me: Uh, Supercuts in America? Six months ago? Manager: sharp inhale Manager: This is bad. Me: It's just hair! Manager: Your cowlick is fighting three different growth patterns. Your previous cut created a fourth. Me: I don't understand... Manager: You have created a VORTEX. Me: A WHAT?! Manager: We need specialist. makes phone call 30 minutes later: An OLD MAN walks in. Actual Master Stylist. Other customers STARE. Him: touches my head Him: Hmm. Him: pulls out special scissors from a locked case The entire salon goes QUIET. Him: This will take two hours. Me: For a HAIRCUT?! Him: This is not haircut. This is correction. I sat there for TWO AND A HALF HOURS while this man performed what I can only describe as surgery. Other stylists gathered to watch. One was taking NOTES. Finally, he finished. Him: You're fixed. But you must come back in exactly 6 weeks. Me: What happens if I don't? Him: The vortex returns. Angry. Me: Hair can't be angry! Him: stares at me Him: You want to risk it? Week 7: I didn't go back. Nothing happened. I felt smug. Week 9: My hair started doing this WEIRD thing where it stuck up in different directions. Week 11: I looked like I was being electrocuted. Week 12: I went back. Me: The vortex is back. Receptionist: sighs, He warned you. Master Stylist: appears from the back Him: I knew you'd return. Me: How?! Him: They always do. Present day: I've been going every 6 weeks for THREE YEARS. I'm in a database. They send reminders. Last month I tried a different salon out of spite. That stylist: Who's your regular guy? Me: Why? Her: Because whoever did this is a MASTER. I can't touch this. You need to go back to him. Me: I'm TRYING to leave him! Her: You can't. He's claimed you. I'm in a haircut hostage situation. But honestly? My hair looks incredible.