Today at my local liberal-elite coffee shop in Massachusetts, a small crowd gathered around a single mom with a one-year-old. She explained that after giving birth, while home alone eating her own placenta, she realized she was actually a man. That revelation, she said, forced the “most harrowing decision” of her life. She wanted to breastfeed her baby but couldn’t continue doing so while taking testosterone. She chose to transition anyway because she didn’t want to “lie” to her child about who she really was. But it gets better. She felt no guilt depriving her child of breast milk, yet did feel guilty about losing “skin-on-skin breast nuzzles” so she has postponed her mastectomy. But wait, there’s more. Because she didn’t feel authentically male with breasts, she intentionally gained dozens of pounds on top of her pregnancy weight, explaining that it’s normal for “larger men to have breasts.” Now she wants to encourage husbands to gain weight alongside their pregnant wives so they, too, can experience “skin-on-skin breast nuzzles.” The term “skin-on-skin breast nuzzles,” was mentioned at least a dozen times. It was the third most used term I overheard after “authentic self” and “you are so brave.” She also wants more men to grow beards because she read that babies benefit from playing with facial hair. She thinks this is something the “Muslim tradition really gets right.” Yes, she had a beard. A scraggly one. She’s also considering starting a foundation to promote this work but probably couldn’t because “Trump has made 501(c)(3)s basically illegal” and doesn’t want the “gestapo stopping us.” She may instead “go underground” and accept cash donations instead. The small crowd nodded enthusiastically through every word. One older woman suggested that more “skin-on-skin breast nuzzles” and “beard play” might be the cure for “so many young American boys becoming fascists.” It remained unclear whether the baby was a boy or a girl. Nobody dared ask.