>be Bryan Johnson >decide death is optional if you throw enough money at it >two million dollars a year, thirty doctors on call >eat 1,977 calories of beige vegan paste a day, the one diet humans were never built to run on >pick it, of all things, as your route to living forever >chase every meal with a hundred-plus supplements to plug the holes the paste leaves >hide from the sun under a hat and a UV umbrella, caked in mineral sunscreen >the star that grew every living thing on earth, dodged like a mugger >treat red meat like it's radioactive >iron sits on the floor for years, however many pills you throw down >"I may have the best biomarkers ever recorded" >thirty doctors, and not one can say why the iron won't hold >finally biopsy the stomach >your own immune system has been turning on it for years >autoimmune gastritis, the exact tissue that pulls in iron and B12, breaking itself down >go on X to announce "my stomach is eating itself" >the nutrients you can no longer hold are the ones a plate of red meat gives away for free >mfw you dodged the sun, refused the meat, lived on pills, and your body still chose to eat itself