Keir Starmer ‘probably’ texting FIFA to get Jarell Quansah’s red card overturned. A government minister has suggested that Sir Keir Starmer is ‘probably texting’ FIFA to overturn England star Jarell Quansah’s World Cup suspension. Starmer should Legalise weed, unban Quansah, ban queuing in lines at bars, change the national speed limit to 100 minus the cost of your car in thousands, fill all the potholes with custard, bam illegal immigration and give his final speech high and steaming drunk, starting every sentence with “and I’ll tell you another thing about…” He’ll go down as a hero

Keir Starmer has confirmed the Government is ‘making sure’ pubs can stay open for England’s World Cup game against Mexico, which kicks off at 1am on Monday morning Follow live:

Keir Starmer has resigned from his position as British Prime Minister and also as leader of the Labour Party – saying he will be leaving the “biggest job in the country” to spend more time on “the most important job”, being a husband and father.