Mom: So how's work? Me: We're so back. Mom: That's wonderful! Did you get a raise? Me: Better. Ansem changed his profile picture. Mom: ...what? Me: The vibes are immaculate, Mom. Mom: I asked if you're getting paid. Me: Mom, we're not measuring wealth in dollars anymore. Mom: Then what are we measuring it in? Me: Mindshare. Mom: No. Me: Engagement. Mom: NO. Me: Market structure. Mom: STOP. Me: Solana dominance. Mom: Are you employed? Me: Bitcoin has reclaimed the previous cycle highs, ETFs are absorbing supply faster than miners can produce it, global M2 is expanding, and we're only beginning the post-halving phase of the four year cycle. Employment is a social construct. Mom: You're unemployed? Me: I'm a market maker. Mom: You provide liquidity for internet jokes. Me: I PROVIDE CRITICAL INFRASTRUCTURE FOR THE DIGITAL ECONOMY. Mom: Last week you made $6,000 on a coin called RETARDED FROG. Me: And this week I lost $9,000 on a coin called HIGHER. Mom: HIGHER than what?! Me: Apparently my entry. Mom: Jesus Christ. Me: Mom, you're thinking too linearly. The Bitcoin cycle has never failed in its ENTIRE history (17 years). Mom: Didn't it fail in 2022? Me: THAT WAS PRICE ACTION. I'M TALKING ABOUT THE VIBES. Mom: The vibes? Me: You wouldn't understand. Mom: Try me. Me: Okay. Bitcoin pumps. Mom: Mm-hmm. Me: Then Ethereum pumps. Mom: Okay. Me: Then Solana commits financial war crimes against the rest of the market. Mom: Excuse me? Me: Then random unemployed twenty-two year olds become millionaires trading coins with 2 hour lifespans. Mom: That doesn't sound healthy. Me: HEALTHY?! MOM ANSEM IS BACK. Mom: WHO THE FUCK IS ANSEM?! Me: That's like asking who Michael Jordan is when he walks onto the court. @blknoiz06 is not a man, he's a market condition. He bought Solana at $1 when people thought it was going to zero. And again at 8$. He made a dog with a hat worth billions of dollars. His tweets have moved more money than some third world countries' GDPs. One "higher" tweet from him has liquidated more shorts than I've had hot dinners. He's basically the Jerome Powell of Solana except instead of controlling interest rates, he controls whether unemployed 24 year olds buy monkey coins at 3 AM. Mom: So he's a financial advisor? Me: NO MOM. He's a prophet. An oracle. A vibe curator. The patron saint of financial irresponsibility. Mom: Does he work at Solana? Me: He IS Solana. Mom: That's not possible. Me: You're right. He's somehow more bullish than Solana itself. Mom: And people listen to him? Me: MOM PEOPLE HAVE BOUGHT SEVEN FIGURES OF INTERNET DOGS BECAUSE HE PUT A HAT ON HIS PROFILE PICTURE. Mom: THAT'S INSANE. Me: EXACTLY! THAT'S WHY WE'RE SO FUCKING BACK. Mom: He must have a degree from Wharton? Did he work at Vanguard? Me: He graduated from Georgia Tech (not in finance). Then worked as software engineer at Capital One briefly. Then unemployed for like 5 years. Mom: And you're putting your entire portfolio on his back?! Me: WE'RE GOING TO A TRILLION DOLLAR SOLANA. Mom: YOU LIVE WITH THREE ROOMMATES. Me: TEMPORARILY. Mom: What exactly do you do all day? Me: I wake up at 4 AM because Asia is buying animal coins. Mom: Of course they are. Me: Then I stare at twelve charts simultaneously while checking 5 group chats and listening to three crypto Twitter spaces screaming "SEND IT." Mom: Healthy. Me: Then I move liquidity around @MeteoraAG like I'm running JPMorgan except my assets are called Testicle, Ansem, Tung Tung Tung Sahur, and Buttcoin. Mom: Please stop saying liquidity. It makes this sound legitimate. Me: Then I read ancient Bitcoin cycle prophecies from 2017 written by anonymous autistic wizards on internet forums. Mom: Ancient? Me: FOUR YEARS AGO IS AN EPOCH IN CRYPTO. Mom: I hate this conversation. Me: Mom, you hated Bitcoin at $15,000. Mom: I ALSO HATED IT AT $120,000. Me: EXACTLY. MAXIMUM BEARISHNESS FROM NORMIES IS THE MOST BULLISH INDICATOR OF ALL. Mom: So what's your investment strategy? Me: Survive long enough for retail to become clinically euphoric. Mom: What does that mean? Me: When your friends who called crypto fake start asking if they should buy a token named after a capybara wearing a helmet. Mom: And that's when you sell? Me: GOD NO. Mom: Why?! Me: BECAUSE WHAT IF IT DOES ANOTHER 100X?! Mom: YOU PEOPLE ARE NEVER HAPPY. Me: THAT'S WHY WE'RE SO GOOD AT THIS. Mom: How much money have you made this year? Me: We don't ask that question during accumulation. Mom: And how much money have you lost? Me: We don't ask that question during accumulation either. Mom: Are you gambling? Me: No. Gambling is based on chance. Mom: And yours isn't? Me: Mine is based on narrative rotation, market psychology, liquidity inflows, reflexive social consensus and whether Ansem tweets "higher." Mom: That's gambling with extra steps. Me: It's DIFFERENT. Mom: So when will all of this end? Me: Sometime around peak retail euphoria when Uber drivers start explaining Solana ecosystem valuations to me. Mom: And you'll sell then? Me: ... Mom: YOU WON'T SELL THEN EITHER WILL YOU?! Me: Ansem might have one more target. Mom: I should've been stricter when you were younger.