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Betty J Smithsonian
@Handstandstore
Freelance clown.
454 Following    466 Followers
Trump getting indicted for paying off a porn star is like Hitler getting indicted for plagiarism. Did someone already say this? Am I Hitler in this analogy?
There is someone you know who is 🦇 💩crazy, extremely emphatically crazy pants and not everyone knows. Just wait. They went crazy on you. They will crazy again. Crazy can't hold in crazy for long.
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Me and two lesbos mansplained gay sex to two straight dudes that were acting homoerotic. - me telling my wife about my set last night.
We r way too obsessed with presidents. Everyone be cool.
You don't lock the public bathroom door. I open the door. I'm not saying sorry. B*tch you gotta say sorry to me!! I didn't have to see all that. Also wash your hands.
Nick Sirianni’s best quality is he isn’t afraid to be himself From his introductory press conference, to the flower analogy, to the celebrations on the sideline, Sirianni is always just himself and shows his emotions. It’s why he is in the Super Bowl
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I did stand up in Vegas. The headliner came up to me after explaining how surprised he was that I had a good set. Then he proceeded to share, unsolicited, his diet changes over the last year.
Real question: why do so many sportscasters no like us? Everyone easily hates the Eagles or undervalues us when we are good. Who has a theory. Is it because we got big wangs? #philly# #noonelikesus# #eagles# #phillyphilly# #Wtf#
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Big Ass Bitties: Shortest Month, Biggest Bits
He thought it would be funny to walk like this??! It was. And it is. Long live funny walking wexler
After the Eagles clinched the #1# seed I thought it would be funny to walk through the city like this and boy was I wrong 🦅🦅🦅Go Birds🦅🦅🦅
Stop saying yummy. And tummy. And mommy and daddy. It's annoyyyy.