> be me > take wife to see machu picchu > stray cat follows us home, wife wants to keep it > last week of our trip spent changing hotel rooms every day because cat has fleas > cat throws up and shits all over me on train back to Cusco. Throw my clothes away b/c cat excrement everywhere > bribe airline employee to let us take cat on plane back to US. Cat throws up & diarrheas everywhere on plane as well > get cat home to our apartment in Miami. Cat gets fatter and fatter over coming weeks > assume it’s just b/c has access to good food for first time > wake up to strange noises coming from our closet. Cat has multiplied into a 8 cats > kittens are cute but mama cat is ruthless and keeps stashing kittens in random places in the apartment > google it, turns out kittens need to eat every 2 hours or they die. Mama cat is trying to off half her litter > not on my watch > next few weeks wake up every 2 hours 24/7 to: >> search apartment to find the kittens stashed under couches / inside shoes / most absurd places >> weigh each kitten to figure out which ones haven’t eaten >> hold mama cat down and force her to let the runt kittens eat >> try to go back to sleep for an hour, then repeat > all 7 kittens survive but my wife and I go borderline insane from sleep deprivation > try to get them adopted. No one wants the kittens > successfully peddle a few off on friends & family. Have to take multiple flights to different cities just to deliver kittens > 2 yrs later we finally get all the cats out of our lives 2 years of my life I will never get back I’m also now allergic to cats NEVER, EVER let a woman in your life pet a stray cat