A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “You’re in here a lot. Do you think you might have a drinking problem?” The horse replies, “I don’t think I do,” and promptly disappears. Now, my philosophy followers here on X are already laughing, because they’re familiar with René Descartes’ famous proposition: Cogito, ergo sum — “I think, therefore I am.” But explaining that beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

A little girl asks her father, “Daddy, why don’t I have a little sister?” Trying to be funny, he says, “You do have a little sister.” “I do?” she asks. “Sure,” he says. “But every time you walk in the front door, she walks out the back door.” “Oh, I see!” the little girl says. “You mean she’s like my other daddy.”

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lie down and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replies, “I see millions of stars.” “And what does that tell you?” Watson thinks for a moment. “Astronomically, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Chronologically, I deduce it’s about a quarter past three. Theologically, I see that God is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect we’ll have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes is silent for a moment, then says: “Watson… you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent.”

A man calls home to his wife and says: “Honey, I’ve been invited to go fishing in Scotland with my boss and some of his friends. We’ll be gone for a week. This is a great chance for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting, so could you pack me enough clothes for a week, set out my rod and tackle box, and I’ll swing by the house to pick everything up. Oh, and please pack my new blue silk pajamas.” The wife thinks it sounds a little fishy, but being a good wife, she does exactly as he asked. The following weekend he returns home a bit tired but otherwise in good spirits. The wife asks, “Did you catch many fish?” “Loads,” he says. “Salmon, brown trout, a few pike. But why didn’t you pack my blue silk pajamas like I asked?” The wife replies, “I did. They were in your tackle box.”

A blonde pays $1,000,000 to rent a stadium to prove blondes are smart. She fills it with 80,000 other blondes and calls one up on live TV. She starts with a simple math question. “What’s twenty plus three?” she asks. The volunteer thinks for a moment and whispers, “Nine?” Instantly, the crowd of 80,000 blondes erupts: “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!” The presenter smiles, calms the crowd, and tries again. “Okay dear… what’s two plus two?” After a long pause, the blonde whispers, “Four?” Once again, the stadium roars: “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”

Dad: “I want you to marry a girl of my choice.” Son: “No.” Dad: “The girl is Bill Gates’ daughter.” Son: “Then OK!” Dad goes to Bill Gates. Dad: “I want your daughter to marry my son.” Bill Gates: “No.” Dad: “My son is the CEO of the World Bank.” Bill Gates: “Then OK!” Dad goes to the President of the World Bank. Dad: “Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank.” President: “No!” Dad: “He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.” President: “Then OK!”