Got hired to "tutor English" to a businessman. ¥5,000/hour. Great rate.
First session: We met at a café.
Him: I don't need English lessons.
Me: Then... why am I here?
Him: I need you to attend meetings and nod.
Me: What?
Him: My boss thinks I'm learning English. You're my proof.
Me: That's fraud.
Him: That's ¥5,000/hour. In or out?
Me: morally conflicted for 4 seconds In.
Week 3: The meetings got weirder.
Him: Today you need to pretend to teach me business phrases.
Me: In front of who?
Him: My entire department.
Me: WHAT?!
I taught him "synergy" and "circle back" in front of 12 people.
They applauded.
Month 2: His boss wanted a progress report.
Boss: How's his English?
Me: Uh... improving?
Boss: Can he do a presentation?
Me: A what?
Boss: In English. Next week.
Him: texting me under the table, HELP ME.
Week later: I WROTE his entire presentation.
He memorized it phonetically.
Delivered it perfectly.
His boss cried.
Boss: I'm so proud of you!
Him: bowing, Thank you!
To me, in English: "Thank you for believing in me."
His pronunciation was terrible but his boss didn't speak English so it didn't matter.
Month 4: He got promoted for his "English skills."
Him: I need you at MORE meetings now.
Me: This is out of control!
Him: ¥7,000/hour.
Me: Deal.
Month 8: His company sent him to New York for a conference.
Him: You're coming with me.
Me: AS WHAT?!
Him: My translator.
Me: YOU'RE JAPANESE, THEY'LL EXPECT YOU TO SPEAK ENGLISH!
Him: That's why you're coming!
We went to New York.
I had to "translate" his Japanese into English for Americans.
American client: Why does he need a translator? We speak English.
Me: He's... more comfortable this way.
Client: Okay...?
Present day:
He's now a executive at his company.
Still can't speak English.
I'm on retainer for ¥15,000/hour.
Last month he asked: "Can you teach my son?"
His son is 6.
Me: He actually wants to LEARN English, right?
Him: God, I hope not. I need him to hire you in 20 years.
It's a multi-generational scam and I'm IN IT.