Once hired a CPA who said her old firm would anonymously report their cleanest clients to the IRS tip line Then would charge audit support fees and come out the hero since they knew the return was clean There's Chases all around us

Teaching my daughter about payroll withholding She did chores all week so I owe her $10 I hand her $7 > this isn't $10 "right, I withheld the rest" > what does that mean "I kept $3 of your money" > but it's my money "It was your money" > what are you even doing with it? "Funding household infrastructure" > what "The roof over your head. The hallway you walk through to get to the bathroom. The door locks that keep strangers out" > you're charging me for the hallway "I'm charging you for access to the hallway. The hallway itself was a capital expenditure" > you're my dad. you're supposed to--- "I'm also your government" > what if I don't want to pay for the hallway "Then I can't guarantee the hallway" > it's a hallway. It's already there "For now" She asks what else the $3 covers "Meals, dispute resolution, nightlight maintenance" > dispute resolution? "When your brother takes your toys and I make him give them back. That's taxpayer funded" > that's just parenting "That's the Department of Justice" > what about meals. You already feed me "That's a social program. Not everyone qualifies" > I'm your daughter "Which is why you're currently enrolled" She wants to see where the money goes I tell her that would require a FOIA request > what's that "A form asking me to show you what I do with your money. Processing time is 6 to 8 weeks" > 6 weeks to see where my $3 went? "Could be longer. We're understaffed" > there's two of you She asks how she gets any of it back "It's already spent" > you spent my money already? "We had a budget shortfall" > you just took it 20 seconds ago "And the deficit existed 30 seconds ago. The timing worked out" > so I'm not getting it back "I didn't say that. You might qualify for a refund" > of my own money "Correct. You just have to fill out a form telling me how much you made" > you know how much I made. You paid me "Right but I need you to tell me how much I paid you" > so you already know the answer "The point is compliance" She asks what happens if she gets the number wrong "Penalty" > from the money I don't have because you already spent it? "We could set up a payment plan" > I'm 8 "Monthly installments. Very manageable" > you're going to penalize me for getting wrong a number you already know and then make me pay you back with money you took from me "Now you're getting it" > I want to talk to mom "Mom's not a qualified representative. She can't help you here" She stormed off to her room saying how this is extortion Slammed the door That's my little citizen I've never been more proud