About 20 years ago, while I was the Founder and CEO of a very large company, one of my Senior Vice Presidents had hired a new department head. This woman had a staff of about 40. I had been out of the country for about 10 days. When I returned I was wearing jeans and a T-shirt, with a baseball cap. Normally I would never wear a cap in the building. I simply forgot. I entered this woman's department and the first words I heard were, “take that hat off, who in the hell do you think you are”? One of the men, hoping to tip her off, said Hello Alec. She uttered, “what have I done”. She now knew that I was the CEO and owner of the company. I asked her to join me in my office. We had a nice ‘get to know each other chat’. When we concluded I mentioned that spontaneous outbursts of anger were something that wasn't done, that it reflected poorly on her. I ended our meeting by lightening the atmosphere by saying something like, “I wish you could have seen your face”! She knew that she had just been mildly reprimanded, but that I wasn't angry.

It was in 2013 when he walked into the office and introduced himself. He was tall and handsome. Young smart ambitious and kind. Full of charisma and leadership. Yet not extroverted. My heart skipped a hundred beats. He became my downfall. Over 3yrs we worked together. We became close. He sometimes offered to drive me home. We used to go out for team lunches or lunches alone. We talked so much. I missed him. Cried over him many a night. I was married with kids. It wasn't because I didn't love my husband. We just had a different connection. Because he was so subtle I couldn't tell whether he felt the same. I once said.. guys who are attracted to me tend to be gay.. which he replied..He is not gay. I could interpret it as he likes me but not gay. Or that he is not gay so does not like me. On one occasion, he was close enough to flick a mosquito off my face.. or walking down the street, he hands touched my back to guide me off the street once. He is also restructured the team so that I would get promoted.. but my teammate was also promoted so not just me. We travelled on a number of biz trips together, had dinners, etc but he never made any inappropriate moves. At most was offered car rides home since we lived nearby but not too close. A normal boss wouldn't offer rides. He always ends with if u need help can ask him. These little signs i don't want to read too much into it. Also they were so little and few in between that I cant tell. I know he likes me but I really want to know whether he liked me more than a friend, whether did he fall in love with me. Once he asked me whether how many boyfriends I had. At tat time we have surpassed a strictly boss-subordinate relationship to a friend as we r only 2 yrs apart. It has been 8yrs, we lost touch lately in the last couple of yrs. Sometimes in my quiet moments he still creeps into my mind. I am waiting for the day to forget him. But our memories and time spent together seemed to be ingrained deeply in my memory.I played this scene a 1000 times in my head how to confess to him or ask him.. but never cld bring myself. I guess somethings r best left unsaid. Sometimes I imagined he comes back to pursue me when we are old but yet I love my husband tat I want to grow old with him too. I know I am being greedy. I guess ideally what I wish for realistically from him is to one day confess to me that he fell in love with me. N would have dated and married me if I came into his life first. That he never met anyone like me. That I made his heart skipped more than a beat. That he wanted to kiss me every time he saw me but couldn't. That I was his unrequited love. Wish me all the best and that I will always be someone special to him. I think that would have been enough. We go back into being friends and I would move on with my life.