HE ESCAPED ACROSS ROOFTOPS. HE RAN THROUGH GARDENS. HE EVEN HID IN A RIVER. Then PD Bowser clocked in. Met Police were searching for a repeat offender when the man climbed out a window and took off across neighboring properties. Officers surrounded the area, but the trail eventually disappeared straight into the water. Bowser didn't hesitate. He followed the scent through the gardens, led his handler into the river and tracked the suspect downstream until there was nowhere left to hide. Police said the man was linked to 26 offences, including burglaries and thefts from motor vehicles. He was returned to prison and later convicted on multiple charges. All that running just to discover the police had brought someone with four legs, one nose and absolutely zero interest in excuses. Good boy, Bowser.

The fastest way to make someone blush is probably texting, "You stole a pizza my heart," then following it up with, "You make miso happy." Somehow the corniest food puns are also the most dangerously effective. Now I'm convinced there are even better ones out there that I haven't heard yet.