My girlfriend sent me a screenshot of her conversation with her best friend. She was complaining about me. Nothing unusual. Then I noticed something. Her best friend had replied: “Girl, just leave him.” My girlfriend answered: “I can’t. He knows too much.” I immediately asked: “Knows too much about what?” She stopped typing. Then called me. She said, “It’s not what you think.” Which, honestly, is the worst sentence anyone can hear. I asked her what she meant. She said she was talking about a surprise. I didn’t believe her. Then she said: “Okay. Come downstairs.” I went outside. Her best friend was waiting there. With a cake. I thought they were throwing me a surprise birthday party. Then I remembered my birthday was three months away. I looked at both of them. Nobody spoke. Finally, her best friend said: “Okay, this isn’t how we planned it.” I asked what wasn’t how they planned it. My girlfriend sighed. Then handed me an envelope. Inside was a hotel reservation. For two people. I looked at her. She said: “Please don’t get mad.” I said: “Who am I supposed to be mad at?” She pointed behind me. Her mother was standing there. Holding luggage.