“Something I witnessed in my friend's marriage years ago completely changed how I treated my husband. Nine years into my own marriage, I still consider that experience one of the biggest lessons of my married life.” During the early years of my marriage (I’ve been married for nine years now), my husband and I had our fair share of disagreements and quarrels. Back then, I had a friend I considered very close. Whenever my husband and I quarrelled, I would run to her house to cool off and pour out my frustrations. Her advice was always the same: “Don’t trust men o! They’re all the same. Never tolerate nonsense from any man!” Meanwhile, she painted her own marriage as paradise. I even envied her at some point. Until one afternoon. I was visiting a family close to her house and decided to surprise her. The gateman let me in, but as I approached her living room, I heard an angry voice and another pleading for forgiveness. The door was slightly ajar, and what I saw left me speechless. My friend was kneeling before her husband, apologising for not coming back home early from the wedding she went to. Ha! The same woman who had been teaching me how to go toe-to-toe with my husband? 🫢 I quietly left the way I came in to save her from further embarrassment. That experience changed something in me. Not because apologising to your husband is wrong, but because I realised that the marriage I had been envying wasn’t without its own struggles. I went home and reflected on my behaviour, my marriage, and the man I had prayed for. Yes, we had experienced difficulties, especially in our second year, but I had allowed outside opinions to magnify our problems. That evening, when my husband returned from work, I ran into his arms and kissed him passionately. He looked at me and asked if I was drunk. 😂 That man and his bad mouth! But this time, I was impervious to his teasing. Later, I knelt before him, even though he dislikes it, and apologised for my own mistakes, unnecessary comparisons, and attitude. That experience taught me something I’ve carried throughout my nine years of marriage: never compare the marriage you live in with the marriage someone else presents to you. Not everyone advising you has figured out their own life. And not every disagreement requires an outsider’s intervention. Of course, genuine mistreatment should never be ignored, and seeking wise counsel is important. But please, learn to distinguish between people helping you build your marriage and those merely projecting their frustrations onto yours. Sometimes, the people teaching you how not to tolerate your spouse are quietly practising the patience they’re discouraging you from having. Be discerning about whose advice you entertain.