A woman at work always ate lunch alone. People assumed she was unfriendly. One afternoon, I sat beside her. She spent the entire meal telling me about her children, her business, and the book she was writing. She wasn't antisocial. Nobody had simply taken the time to know her.

My friend bought me an expensive birthday gift. I couldn't afford anything close to it, so I felt embarrassed. She noticed. Don't compete with what I can afford, she said. "Give me what you genuinely can." I never forgot that. Real friendship doesn't turn generosity into a competition.

I got stranded alone in a rural mountain village in Italy with no cell service, no local currency, and a dead car battery. It became the best night of my life. I was on a solo trip through Tuscany, feeling like the main character of a romance movie until my rental car sputtered and died on a gravel backroad at sunset. My phone battery was at 3%. No signal. Zero car knowledge. I walked a mile up the road in the fading light until I saw smoke coming from a chimney. I knocked on the heavy wooden door of an old farmhouse. An elderly woman named Nonna Maria opened it, took one look at my panicking, tear stained face, and immediately pulled me inside. She spoke zero English. I spoke zero Italian. For the next five hours, we communicated entirely through hand gestures and Google Translate (once I plugged my phone into her wall). She didn't just let me use her phone to call roadside assistance for the next morning; she.............

Nneka spent two solid years doing wife duties on a talking stage budget. Every weekend, she was at Emeka’s place in Yaba, stocking his fridge, cleaning, and listening to his work rants. Whenever she brought up "What are we?", Emeka’s favorite line was, "I’m not rushing things, babe. Let’s just vibe and see where it goes. You know you're special to me." She kept swallowing that excuse, hoping her loyalty would finally promote her to girlfriend status. The wake-up call came on Emeka’s birthday. She organized a surprise dinner, paid for the cake, and invited his friends. Halfway through the night, Emeka stood up to give a toast. He thanked everyone for coming, then pointed at Nneka and said, "And a very special thanks to my good friend, Nneka, for putting this together." Good friend. Two years of market runs, emotional support, and exclusivity, only to be zoned in public. See, this is why you must stop giving wife privileges to men who are not even sure they want you as a partner. You cannot love somebody into valuing you. If a man tells you he is not ready, believe him! Don't take it as a challenge to prove you are the one. You are just offering yourself up as a placeholder until the person he actually wants to commit to shows up. Stop auditioning for roles they haven't given you a script for. If the title is not clear and the commitment is not there, carry your energy and go where it is valued. Value yourself enough to walk away from "let's just vibe." Na that vibe go later swallow your peace of mind.