Get ready liver, daddy got yelled at in a teams meeting today
One of the most important skills I’ve developed at work is sitting through a meeting, knowing the entire plan is going to be a complete fucking disaster, and resisting the urge to say “I told you so” before it even happens.
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The American Dream is to be wrongfully terminated and then settle for $100 million
Lie on your resume MF
They lied in the job description too
Wait, before everyone had a work email on their phone… did people actually get paid to work 8 hours instead of being mentally employed 24 hours a day?
Wait, before Zoom and Teams existed… did people just cancel meetings when someone couldn’t make it instead of making everyone join from wherever the fuck they were?
Wait, before email existed… if your boss wanted to tell you something stupid, did they actually have to get up and walk over to your desk?
Wait, before laptops existed… did people actually go on vacation without bringing their entire fucking job with them?
Wait, before cell phones existed… did people just call in sick and then become completely unreachable for the rest of the day?
You ever work somewhere so long that all your favorite coworkers have quit, management has been replaced three times, and now you’re basically the last surviving cast member of a show nobody watches anymore?
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Whoever said there’s no such thing as a stupid question really needs to come to my workplace for one fucking hour.
ME: I HOPE I DON'T HAVE TO PUT OUT ANY FIRES TODAY.
AS I WALK INTO THE YOU COULDN'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP FACTORY.
Have you ever made an Excel spreadsheet so good that you were genuinely offended nobody in your life cared?
Nothing cured my imposter syndrome faster than getting promoted and realizing the people above me have just been confidently making shit up this entire time.
I love how Microsoft Teams automatically changes my status to Away the second I stop touching my mouse.
Because obviously if I’m reading a document, thinking, or doing literally anything that doesn’t involve aggressively moving my cursor, I’ve abandoned my job.
Incredible way to measure productivity. No notes.
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Me:
Customers: OMG it's so gorgeous out today! how are you open? It's such a fab day and you are in here working, omg bet you wish you were out in that sun.
“We’re working through some challenges” means everything is fucked, but we’re trying to sound professional about it.
Accidentally overshared with a coworker.
Turns out he’s just as fucking unhinged as I am. Now we’re work besties and spend most of our shifts having wildly inappropriate conversations with a little bit of actual work sprinkled in.
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might quit my job to focus on halloween, idk.
I love how Outlook immediately removes a meeting invite from my inbox the second I accept it. Because why would I ever need to reference the agenda, meeting link, or literally any of the information required to attend? Incredible design. No notes.
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