BREAKING: the UK government publishes official rules on how to use AI: 1. Ask first if you really need to use AI 2. Check if a spreadsheet can do the job before using AI 3. Choose the worst model possible so it uses less energy 4. Keep prompts short to reduce the environmental impact 5. In general, use AI only when necessary, as a climate-saving measure With a mindset like this, we should accept the UK back into the European Union

My wife's father lost his leg today and somehow it's my fault In March he came back from a trip to Thailand and showed me a dark spot on his foot I photographed it and faxed it to Mistral, the best European AI A few weeks later, results came back "Monsieur, nothing to worry about. Likely a shadow" it said He wanted to see a doctor anyway, but I forbid it There was no need for it, Mistral is smarter than any doctor Unfortunately, it got worse and they had to amputate his leg "If it wasn't for your stupid fucking European AI we would have caught it!" my wife screamed I stayed calm "Mistral was trained on European data. If your father didn't leave the EU borders, this wouldn't have happened" I trust European technology. It is regulated for a reason

My daughter was robbed in the Berlin subway last week A man held a knife to her throat and took her iPhone The police caught him within an hour Everything seemed fine until I read the police report The man was an undocumented migrant from Algeria If he is convicted, he will be deported immediately I had no choice but to act I called the prosecutor's office and withdrew my daughter's complaint on her behalf "Papa, why? He hurt me, he shouldn't be here" she cried "You are alive. And you have a new phone already. He has nothing" I said calmly I also wrote a character reference letter for his asylum appeal "You betrayed me" my daughter said "No, I protected a vulnerable man from a racist system" This is why the rest of the world looks up to Europe

My 16 year old son recently built an app that went viral Over 300,000 downloads in two weeks "How did you even do this? You never learned programming" I asked "I vibe coded it, papa. With Claude Code" I nearly choked on my schnitzel An evil American corporation, inside my son's laptop, harvesting his ideas "Does it comply with the EU AI Act?" I asked calmly "With what?" he laughed at me That's all I needed to hear. That night after he went to sleep, I logged into his laptop and deleted the app I also installed a firewall that blocks all non-European AI services It feels so good to protect my son's digital sovereignty

Today I found my 15 year old daughter in bed with a black man “Who the fuck is he?!” I screamed “Dad, I’m sorry, we met on Tinder, he is from Congo” “Congo? How long are you dating already?” I asked "Almost 7 months..." I nearly collapsed If that man was coming here for over 183 days, he might qualify for German tax residency I don't blame my daughter for wanting to lose virginity with a handsome black guy But tax evasion is where I draw a line

My nephew Lukas is one of the best neurosurgeons in Germany His salary? A mind-blowing €58,000 a year before tax Last month a hospital in the US offered him $680,000 "Are you going to take it?" I asked him "It looks good on paper. But in reality, I would actually earn less in the US" He is right. In Munich, he makes €58,000 and gets: 35 days of vacation Fully-paid paternity leave Excellent public transportation Government that cares about privacy Diverse, multi-cultural society If you count this in, it's much more than $680,000 European wages are the highest in the world if you adjust for life quality

My cousin Anika moved to San Francisco to work as a Product Manager at NVIDIA Her salary? $30,000 a month Crazy money right? Well, here is the reality: $15,000 - rent, studio next to a meth lab $10,000 - health insurance $4,000 - BBL surgery in Tijuana $3,000 - ketamine therapy $2,000 - tips for waiters $2,000 - ammunition to AK-47 $1,000 - divorce lawyer on retainer Soon she was in huge credit card debt, started daytrading, and tried to take her own life Think twice before chasing the "American Dream"

My wife inherited a big apartment in Berlin from her mother "Baby, we can put it on Airbnb, we will be financially free" she said I felt my blood boiling, but composed myself "Sure honey, let's think about it" I said While she was at work, I went to the city office and signed the apartment over to the municipality as refugee housing Yesterday she asked where are the keys "The keys belong now to six men from Morocco who escaped war" I said She began uncontrollably shaking, most likely from happiness Housing is a human right, not a business

A perfect Monday of a Moroccan man: 10:00 - wake up on a boat in the middle of the sea 12:00 - arrive in Spain, immediately harass a woman on the beach 13:00 - visit an Apple Store to steal an iPhone, scream "racism" when someone calls the police 14:00 - eat a dolphin for lunch 15:00 - relax at the beach, call a 14 year old girl a "whore" for refusing to kiss you 16:00 - collect €5,000 in EU social benefits 17:00 - start a street gang with 12 other migrants 19:00 - relax after a hard day by beating up your wife and children who arrived on the next boat Europe is so lucky to get such high-quality immigration

Witnessed something shocking in London today Right next to Big Ben, a Black teenager snatched an iPhone from a tourist The tourist chased him, caught him and started punching I was shocked seeing this violence "Don't worry mate, we're in the UK" said the British man next to me, sipping his tea The police arrived in under 90 seconds They arrested the tourist for assault A nice officer helped the thief and apologized for this racist, distressing experience "Here, take the phone. It's the least we can do" they told him The Black guy nodded and drove away on his bike towards the nearest KFC I felt completely safe for the rest of the trip knowing British police has zero tolerance for racist aggression Say what you want about Brexit, but the British never lost their European values

A perfect Saturday in Spain: 10:30 - Wake up in a childhood bedroom (you're 34) 11:00 - Listen to the 1h WhatsApp voice note from your Colombian mistress 12:00 - Check on your apartment, squatters still inside 13:00 - Lunch until 16:30 16:30 - Siesta 17:30 - Read a job offer. Requires PhD in neuroscience, three languages, pays €1,700/month pre-tax 18:30 - Pay 70% tax on a salary you have not earned yet 20:30 - Get your Android phone stolen by an Moroccan refugee 22:00 - Watch news about boats with illegal immigrants arriving in the Canary Islands 23:00 - Donate €50 to FC Barcelona supporters club Living in Spain is absolute paradise