What Sunday morning looks like after a one-night stand with a European man: German - windows open at 7:42am, starts recycling the bottles Dutch - sends you a €6.80 request for half the condoms and the Uber Italian - his mother and fiancee already called twice Spanish - neither of you has slept yet Polish - give you a vodka shot and explains why Black people are the worst to be around French - smokes naked by the window, acts offended you're still there

Perfect Saturday night out in London as a female: 6pm - Apply seven layers of fake tan and glue on eyelashes 7pm - Put on a tiny pink dress and no jacket (it’s 6°C and raining outside) 8pm - Wait for Sharia patrol to leave your street, then head to the pub 9pm - Spend £96 on two espresso martinis 10pm - A Pakistani man grabs your ass, apologize to him for wearing such a revealing outfit 11pm - Head to the club, wait 45 minutes in a line to get in 2am - Watch five British men fight outside McDonalds 4am - Go home with a random bald man with three missing teeth 5am - Have terrible sex and create a reminder to purchase a morning-after pill London nightlife is simply unmatched

Recently I’ve seen a lot of people complaining about being asked to clean an Airbnb when they’ve already paid a cleaning fee As a host, I find this attitude quite worrying My wife and I rent out the apartment in Germany. We charge a €145 cleaning fee, and we still expect guests to: 1. Strip the beds and start a wash, separating whites from colours 2. Wash, dry and put away all dishes 3. Sweep and mop the floors 4. Take out all rubbish, separating paper, cardboard, clear glass, coloured glass, plastics, metal, organic waste and residual waste 5. Take bottles with a deposit to the supermarket return machine. 6. Send photos showing the apartment is ready before the 8:30am checkout These tasks must be completed before departure. If you have an early flight, allow time the evening before The cleaning fee pays for professional cleaning. It does not pay for someone to pick up after you Here in Europe, we teach children to leave a place as they found it I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect the same from adults on holiday

Europe needs more regulation, not less Why are we looking at America and think Europe should copy it? So we can work 80 hours a week, lose our healthcare, and let billionaires decide how society works? The entire point of Europe is that markets do not get to decide everything

My friend wanted to launch an AI startup in Germany I told him Europe is one of the best places in the world to build startups All he had to do was: 1. Register the company 2. Notarize the incorporation documents 3. Deposit the minimum share capital 4. Register the beneficial owners 5. Appoint a data protection officer 6. Complete an AI risk assessment 7. Prepare a GDPR impact study 8. Complete a cybersecurity audit 9. Register for VAT 10. Obtain professional liability insurance In just 24–36 months he will be ready to start building his product “But by the time I finish all this, American competitors will already have launched” I looked at him confused “You cannot rush innovation at the expense of proper regulation” This is why precisely Europe leads in AI

My friend Rüdiger is 68 years old and just became a homeowner in Germany After 29 years of saving and a €70,000 gift from his parents, he was able to afford a down payment He bought a beautiful 34m² penthouse just 55 km from Frankfurt The mortgage runs until he is 110 years old Before moving in, he has to pay a €12,500 municipal contribution toward housing refugee families assigned to his building “I finally feel financially secure” he told me This is what European prosperity looks like

Witnessed something beautiful in Stockholm yesterday An obese American holding a Big Mac ran out of the train station and jumped into a taxi “Hospital now, as fast as you can. My wife is in labor” Driver looked at the address on his phone “Sir, that’s just 1.7 kilometers away” “I know man, just fucking go, I’m already late” The driver switched the engine off “What the fuck are you doing?!” American screamed Driver pointed at a row of bicycles “See that? Stockholm has a wonderful bike sharing system. You can cycle there and save the climate” “My wife is literally having a baby you pretentious fucking idiot” The driver looked him straight in the eye “If you’re having a child, that should make you care more about the climate, not less” Americans just can't understand that climate comes before personal comfort

My cousin is one of the highest paid electrical engineers in Germany His salary? A whooping €3,850 a month After paying 45% income tax, pension contribution, health insurance, municipal tax, church tax and EU migrant surcharge, he’s left with €911 per month He rents a 29m² apartment with 2 roommates and 1 refugee assigned to him by the government He turns 37 next month “I wouldn’t trade this life for anything” he says This is what European success looks like

Morning routine of an alpha European male: 07:30 - Wake up wearing silk pyjamas 07:35 - Masturbate to thoughts about Greta Thunberg 07:45 - Take a 4-minute shower because the building asked residents to reduce water consumption 07:50 - Eat one slice of bread for breakfast 08:00 - Read an article explaining why Europeans are actually richer than Americans adjusted for quality of life 08:20 - Take seven different buses to work 09:30 - Get off two stops earlier due to an African teenager stabbing a driver in the neck This is why I could never live in America

Perfect evening routine with my wife in Germany: 16:00 - Finish work 16:05 - Complain we are both exhausted despite working 32 hours a week 17:30 - Eat bread with cheese for dinner 19:00 - Watch a documentary about the dangers of American capitalism 20:30 - Check electricity prices before turning on a lamp 21:00 - Drop wife off at her boyfriend’s apartment using my electric scooter 22:05 - Hear neighbour flush toilet, make a mental note to report him to building management 22:30 - Read a chapter of the EU Artificial Intelligence Act and go to sleep

Things every true European believes (part 2): 1. Public transport is always better, even when it takes three times longer 2. Waiting nine months to see doctor is fine if it's free 3. Anyone who moves to Dubai/US/Asia will eventually miss European values 4. People should be executed for tipping 5. If women feel unsafe due to immigration, better "awareness campaigns" should fix it 6. Americans have no holidays and spend their whole life working 7. If a building is 400 years old and has no elevator, that is part of its charm 8. Privacy is more important than convenience 9. Spending 80% your salary on rent is normal if the city is walkable 10. Working on a Sunday should be punishable with prison

I found something on my teenage son’s laptop yesterday that terrified me I sat him down at the kitchen table “Dad… I’m sorry about the porn. I just really like big Black women…” I raised an eyebrow “Son, it’s not about the porn. That category is actually quite tasteful” I said “Then what is it, Dad?” I turned the laptop around and showed him the VPN he had installed He went pale and admitted he’d been using it to access American AI tools and websites unavailable in Europe “How long have you been bypassing European internet protections?” I asked “It’s just a VPN. It’s not a big deal, Dad, and-” I contacted the school counselor immediately We agreed on a complete digital detox and psychiatric support I really hope to get my son back soon

My son asked me yesterday why all the important AI companies are American “Dad, they have ChatGPT, Claude… what do we have?” I smiled at him “Building the AI model is the least important part” I said He looked confused “Son, anybody can train AI models. But only the EU can write regulations that ensure these models are used safely” “Wow... so Europe kind of owns OpenAI and the others?” I nodded proudly He was finally starting to understand how European innovation works