My partner sends me a screenshot every time she reads something that makes her think of me. Articles, random tweets, a sentence from a book. Sometimes three in a day, sometimes nothing for two weeks. No message attached. Just the screenshot. I assumed it was her version of forwarding interesting content. I'd glance at them and usually reply with something brief. Last month she was away for work and I missed her in that specific way where you notice the absence of small things...
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My next-door neighbor is seventy-four and shovels his driveway with military precision every time it snows more than an inch. I always felt a weird pressure because he'd have his entire driveway cleared down to the black asphalt before I even got my boots on. During a heavy blizzard last January, I woke up at six AM to beat him to it. I grabbed my shovel and pushed open the garage door, expecting to see him already hard at work...
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My buddy promised to help me move out of my third-floor apartment last Saturday at eight AM. By nine, he hadn't shown up, and he wasn't answering his phone. I was furious. I carried heavy boxes of books down three flights of stairs by myself, grumbling about how unreliable he was. By ten-thirty, I'd decided I was done calling him. At eleven, his truck pulled up to the curb. He got out looking pale, sweaty, and completely out of breath...
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My little brother has a scar identical to mine, in the same spot, from the same year except he was born three years after the accident that gave me mine.
I noticed it when we were swimming.
I stared at his shoulder and asked, “Where did you get that?”
He laughed. You mean the scar?
Yeah.
He looked confused.
I’ve had it forever.
I went home and dug out an old photo of myself from the accident.
Same shoulder.
Same shape.
Same scar.
But mine was dated three years before he was born.
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How do you feel smoking 😔alone?
My roommate has this unhinged talent.
The second my key turns in the door, no matter if it’s 2pm or 2am, that man is already power-walking to the bathroom like his life depends on it.
I’m still taking my shoes off and I can hear the shower starting...
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Me checking the clock after smoking:
"HOW IS IT STILL 7:15
A pretty girl with tattoos? Yeah, I’m finished.
You could tell from his stance that this wasnt his first fight 😳
Men hate women so much that they cannot fathom a man doing something nice for a woman and it not being motivated by sex.
My bank deposited $9,800 into my account.
I wasn’t expecting $9,800.
I called the bank because I assumed it was a mistake. The representative checked my account and told me the deposit was legitimate. It had been sent by an insurance company as part of a claim payment.
I didn’t have an insurance claim.
I called the insurance company immediately. They told me the payment was connected to a property claim and that everything appeared correct on their end.
Then, two days later, I got another call.
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My girlfriend said this when I told her I’m struggling financially right now. I genuinely don’t know if I’m overreacting or if this is a huge red flag. 💔
When you high asf in public and tryna act normal
You ever put on a movie while high and spend more time choosing what to watch than actually watching anything?
Turns out you can run ADHD on factory settings for decades if anxiety is doing tech support.
Then perimenopause cancels the subscription.
My mom took the cat I found to the vet
Ignoring shade is so classy. Like pls go talk to yourself, you look crazy.
I be smoking in the dark plotting like a vengeful vampire⁰
