yeah i know brushing your teeth at night is like a 2 minute low effort chore with enormous payoff but in a much more significant way it’s like being killed with 100 hammers
one time a woman with a medical alert wiener dog sat next to me on a plane and her dog kept alerting on me and she was like "not to be weird but you should get your heart checked out and that's how i found out i had a mildly irregular heart beat
Show more
today was my first day working at a sex shop and it turns out that working at a sex shop is the most autistic friendly job of all time because almost nobody wants you to talk to them because they're embarrassed about being in a sex shop
Show more
putting soup in a square tupperware...... it’s just not right. it should be a circle one which is the shape of soup
one thing about mothers who treat their daughters like an extension of them is that they'll have a meltdown when the kid cuts all their hair off
i love how we all grew up with zendaya, like we saw her debut on disney channel and now we're seeing her emmy nomination. imagine how proud we are
Do you guys ever think about how our society hates homeless people so much that it’s next to impossible to find places to sit or bathrooms to use in major cities?
you think you can hurt my feelings? i’ve been the least favourite in every single friendship group i’ve had since i was 8
how do people wake up, work 40 hours a week, a 9 hour shift everyday and think “yes, this is the way of life” without questioning how absurd capitalism is
Doing HIIT makes you realize a second is not as fast as you think it is
I literally can not afford to be in my feelings at this point in my life, I got shit to do
I worked at a bank and I was always singing.
Just going about my day, doing my job, singing. Couldn't help it apparently, it was just always happening.
The director of HR called me into her office and I probably thought I was in trouble. She asked me why I was always singing and why I was working in a bank.
I told her I had applied to music school and got denied.
This woman started typing....
Show more
Just because you are not getting good grades on exams, doesn't mean that you are not intelligent.
I got the kind of autism that makes me cool as fuck on the internet and an absolute loser irl
A neurologist once told me:
"Sticking out your tongue for 40 seconds eliminates cortisol faster than any pill or breathing exercise."
1. Your neck is what causes you anxiety.
When you’re standing beside a sunset, I genuinely can’t tell which one I’m supposed to be admiring.
Giving a fuck is bad for your health
Customer: "Okay, time to order. I've heard your teas are good. What's the difference between a tea and a tea-lemonade?"
Me: "I'm sorry, but there is no way I can answer that without sounding like a smarta**."
Customer: "Oh, come on... what's the difference?"
Me: "Um, lemonade."
Customer: *laughs* "I'm an idiot!”
Show more
It be hurting when you gotta act cold and detached, but all you really wanna do is love 'em and be vulnerable.
I intentionally ignore hints because I’d rather people communicate directly instead of expecting me to read between the lines.
