whenever i’m talking to someone and they tell me about something that happened to them i always tell them about something that happened to me that’s similar to what happened to them. i do it as kind of a “oh hey yeah this happened to me so i can relate to what you’re going through” but i’m always afraid it comes out as “oh yeah well this happened to me so clearly i have it tougher than you” or “i’m done talking about you let’s talk about me” i swear i don’t mean it like that……..

Things just transpired in my house hold that are equal parts offensive and hilarious… Here goes. So my roommate, Dale, has a gf who does not live with us, but she’s here all the time. So Sunday when my gf was her we were on the couch and we kissed (scandalous, I know) and she saw it, and I’m pretty sure that’s the first time she’s seen us be affectionate, that’s neither here nor there. So today she tells Dale she’s “uncomfortable” here and wants him to move out because she thinks me and my lady are going to hit on her or something, she doesn’t like living with lesbians, cause it’s not “normal”, so now I’m pissed. Then, Dale goes, “well you don’t live here, so it shouldn’t be a problem, just stop coming over”…things escalated and Dale is trying to break up with her, but she won’t leave our house….she locked herself in Dales room. So, Dale barges in my room wearing a bathrobe and goes, “call every lesbian you know, we’re smoking this bitch out!” Then turns around and whips his robe like a cape… And that’s the story of how there are 8 lesbians climbing through the window of Dales room…

A doctor palpated my abdomen this afternoon after I came in with pain in my lower right quadrant worried about possible appendicitis. As he pressed in, I winced. The pain was pretty severe for 15 minutes afterward before diminishing back to where it had been at rest. He told me I should take a Tylenol because I was probably constipated.

One evening, a young man named Kevin missed the last bus home after staying late at work. With no money for a taxi, he decided to walk the long distance. Halfway home, he noticed an old woman sitting alone at a bus stop, looking worried. Kevin asked if she needed help. She told him she had lost her purse and didn’t know how she would get home. Although Kevin was tired and in a hurry, he stayed with her. After searching around the area, he found her purse beneath a bench. She was so grateful that she offered him some money, but Kevin refused. The next morning, Kevin arrived at work and was called into his manager’s office. To his surprise, the old woman from the bus stop was the manager’s mother. She had told her son about the young man who helped her when nobody else would. Kevin was rewarded with a promotion—not because he expected anything, but because he had done the right thing when no one was watching. Sometimes, the kindness you give in secret becomes the opportunity you never expected.

Neurotypical people will really say: “Thank you for joining this mental health session! I’ve randomly paired you with someone. Now tell this complete stranger your deepest fears. Isn’t this exciting?”

The bank put my house up for auction while I was still living in it. I found out because a stranger knocked on my door asking when I planned to move out. I thought he was joking until he showed me the auction notice. I called the bank immediately, and they...