Heard someone say "real wealth is mental health."great now I'm broke twice
Nothing scares a man more than a woman with her own c0ndoms
Being financially responsible is canceling plans with your ppl when you ain’t got enough bread to cover the bill if shit goes left.
All animals should have a tie with their name tags on it, I have been seeing funny creatures oflate. What do you think guys?
A guy on a first date asked me why I didn't want to split the bill 50/50, saying "I thought women wanted equality." I told him, "When the gender pay gap closes, when my pink tax disappears, when I don't have to spend an hour and $50 worth of makeup to meet society's baseline for looking 'presentable,' and when I don't have to text my friends my live location just to sit across from you... then we can split the bill." He didn't have much to say after that.
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‘disappointed, but not surprised’ has been my biggest mood this year.
Me rewatching my own story because i’m so fine, so pretty 🥺👄
"Urgent" in corporate speak just means "I forgot about this until now" 🤡
old songs still have the most beautiful lyrics.
$0.83 turned into OVER $100,000 on Odin’s Vault. Less than a dollar to six figures is an insane run
waving back at someone who wasn’t waving at you is one of the most humbling experiences known to mankind 😭
A consistent nigga doesn’t need to announce the grind. Time will introduce the results.
it feels like there are no websites anymore. there used to be so many websites you could go on. where did all the websites go
i love genuine ppl cos u never gotta decode their intentions.
Millennials and older generations. Does any one remember when supermarkets had self serve candy. Like there would be dispensers and bags to put the candy in
So now that it’s common knowledge that 13 families run this shit, why exactly are billions of us still allowing them to?
YOU ARE NOT AN ANIMAL, FOLLOW THE TRAFFIC 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️
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mfs rly be mad when the person they underestimated starts doing better.
HR: We’re giving employees flexible working hours.
Employee: So I can choose when I start?
HR: Within reason.
Employee: And when I finish?
HR: As long as your work gets done.
Employee: Great.
Employee: I’ll start at 10 tomorrow.
Manager: Why?
Employee: Flexible hours.
Manager: The team starts at 8.
Employee: I thought the whole point was flexibility.
Manager: Flexibility doesn’t mean you can choose whatever you want.
Employee: Then what exactly am I choosing?
Manager: Your flexibility.
Employee: That sounds suspiciously like permission.
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I matched with this guy last month and we spent a week exchanging huge voice notes every single night.
Same music taste.
Same weirdly specific travel stories.
Same habit of drinking iced coffee in the middle of winter.
On Sunday night we hopped on a quick FaceTime before bed.
I answered without my camera on at first.
The second I flipped my camera around, he stopped mid-sentence and his eyes went wide.
It was my older cousin's best friend from middle school.
This was the guy who used to shoot me with Nerf darts in our basement and once dropped my favorite iPod into a swimming pool during a 4th of July barbecue.
He stared at the screen and said:
“Wait... is your last name Miller?”
And I said:
“You owe me an iPod Nano from 2008 you absolute monster.”
He leaned back in his chair and laughed so hard his dog started barking.
Apparently we both had our middle names on our profiles and neither of us recognized the adult versions of each other without braces and bad haircuts.
The most humiliating part...
I had literally sent him a voice note two days earlier telling him how cute his jawline was.
He said:
“I’m never letting your cousin find out about this, but you turned out way cooler than the 11-year-old who used to snitch on us.”
We ended up talking until 4 in the morning.
It’s crazy how much energy we spend trying to impress strangers when half of what makes someone attractive is just the shared history of who you were before you built your adult persona.
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