Sometimes, people who struggle with emotional intimacy feel more comfortable in unhealthy relationships than in secure ones. It can seem contradictory, but familiarity plays a powerful role in how we experience love. Someone who grew up with emotional neglect may learn early that depending on others leads to disappointment, rejection, or abandonment. They might begin associating vulnerability with danger rather than connection. As adults, a loving and consistent partner can bring those fears to the surface. Healthy intimacy requires openness, mutual dependence, and the willingness to let another person see parts of you that you’ve spent years protecting. Even when the relationship is good, that level of closeness can feel frightening. An unhealthy relationship can sometimes feel more familiar because it demands less genuine vulnerability. If both people are emotionally unavailable, there’s less pressure to communicate deeply or let their guard down. The instability may even resemble the relationships they grew up around. This can create a painful pattern: pushing away people who offer genuine security while remaining attached to relationships that reinforce old wounds. Some people respond to intimacy by withdrawing, overworking, drinking, or finding other ways to avoid their feelings. Others stay in unhealthy relationships because the familiar pain feels less frightening than the uncertainty of something better. But these patterns aren’t inevitable, and avoidant attachment doesn’t mean someone will always choose toxic partners. People can develop healthier ways of relating when they’re willing to understand themselves and do the work. The important distinction is that understanding someone’s emotional history can explain their behaviour, but it doesn’t make repeated hurtful behaviour harmless. A healthy relationship requires both people to participate in building trust. You can have compassion for someone’s fears without sacrificing your own emotional well-being to accommodate them indefinitely.

I keep thinking about the idea that love is two people inspiring each other to live. And living isn’t simply existing or making it through another day. It’s noticing the beauty in ordinary things. Being moved by small moments. Remembering that being alive can actually be beautiful. So imagine finding someone who makes you want to notice those things again. Someone who reminds you to be curious, present, and amazed by the simple fact of being here. That kind of love feels incredibly special.

On my birthday this year, while we were still lying in bed, my partner pulled out a list of everything I’d accomplished since my last birthday and read every single thing to me. I don’t think I’ll ever recover from how loved that made me feel.

If someone is truly meant to be part of your life, timing won't necessarily stop it. Maybe it'll happen soon, maybe years from now, but what is genuinely meant for you has a way of finding its way back.

A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother, who suggested that she take her $10 “pay” to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, “I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.” “Oh, my goodness gracious,” said the teller, “and will you be working on the house again this week, too?” The little girl replied, “I will, if those assholes at Lowe’s ever deliver the fucking sheetrock.”