If someone is truly meant to be part of your life, timing won't necessarily stop it. Maybe it'll happen soon, maybe years from now, but what is genuinely meant for you has a way of finding its way back.
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some people don't realize how attractive consistency is until they've spent enough time around someone who can be incredibly sweet one day and completely unfamiliar the next.
Telling people with ADHD to stop smoking weed is basically like telling a squirrel with a gun and 17 unpaid bills to try mindfulness.
You only get a good pussy once in your lifetime homie but it always comes with loads of problems
the worst thing about going to school is when your best friend is on leave, and then you have to be in different groups during class.
Nothing gets my house clean faster than knowing someone’s about to come over.
Never use masturbation as your only way of dealing with stress.
You need more than one coping mechanism. What’s your healthiest way to decompress?
The level of emotional manipulation is unmatched 😭
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew, more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother, who suggested that she take her $10 “pay” to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age.
The little girl proudly replied, “I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.”
“Oh, my goodness gracious,” said the teller, “and will you be working on the house again this week, too?”
The little girl replied, “I will, if those assholes at Lowe’s ever deliver the fucking sheetrock.”
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god please let a nigga ball
I’m tired of this weak ass summer, let’s get into Autumn already.
A good book can have you sitting quietly while your brain is doing full cinema in the background. The characters, the places, the little details… you actually see it all.
Never trust a woman who liked you first. She’s probably after what you have. 😭
As a woman, you need to master the art of controlling your tongue.
If dragons 🐉 weren’t imaginary and we could actually keep them as pets, what do you think Africans would use them for? 😂
One of the hardest parts of becoming better is realizing that some people only liked you when you were easier to control.
The friend who remembers to bring water deserves more respect than we give them. 😂
I found a wallet on the floor of a crowded train. There was no cash inside, just an ID, a few photographs, and a handwritten note that said, “Whatever happens, don’t give this to my brother.” I thought it was strange, but I decided to find the owner before handing it to anyone else.
The address on the ID was nearby, so I went there that evening. A young man opened the door. I asked if he’d lost a wallet. The moment he saw it, his face changed. “Where did you find that?” he asked. I told him. He reached for it, but I remembered the note and pulled it back.
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How do you actually rebuild your life after depression?
Sperm donor
I overheard a clerk at a game store talking to a woman.
Clerk: Apologies ma'am but it's not my responsibility to watch your son.
Woman: It's your responsibility to make sure kids play age appropriate games when they visit this store.
Clerk: I'm sorry ma'am but that's not true. Our policy does not include policing the demo games our customers choose to play.
Woman: You're telling me it's store policy to allow children to play Resident Evil?
Clerk: Part of the experience of visiting our store is the option to play whatever games we have available. Your son chose to play Resident Evil. It's not my job to make him play Super Mario.
Woman: Can I speak to your supervisor?
Clerk: No ma'am.
Woman: Why not?
Clerk: He's on leave ma'am.
Woman: Do you have children?
Clerk: I'm a sperm donor ma'am, so probably.
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